I am proud to announce, quite belatedly, that the winner of Wedding Poll #2: The Dresses was Bad Fung Shui. With four votes, it outscored the come-from-behind runner up Ties.
Our next poll is rings. This was more difficult to create than the dress poll, which only required one trip to The Knot and a search for the most expensive dresses they list. This strategy failed for the ring poll. Many very expensive wedding rings are quite nice. But I persevered.
First up is Accident Waiting to Happen. Yes, I’ve built an amazingly powerful technology out of a metal coil, which is only controlled by this completely exposed crystal… and we all know how well that worked out in Spider-Man 2.
Marital life grating on you? Feel like you need to build a wall to get some privacy around here? Try Brick.
Those who cannot let go of high school are doomed to repeat it. Class of 88 is below.
I have no idea if this ring, apparently designed to recall the Sydney Opera House, is actually this ugly. But if not, someone should really take another picture of Not Photogenic before they try to sell it.
For a look that says “I rule the galaxy and I will kill you if you disobey me,” try Ice Queen. I almost expect a small fleet of fighter ships to launch out of one side.
Does your accessory need an accessory? This is called a “solitaire enhancer.” I deem it Push Up. I realize that it is not technically a ring, but I still think it deserves to be included in this poll just for the sheer ridiculousness.
Just in case someone’s about to make a fashion mistake, we will call this ring Does Not Go With Plaid.
Arts and crafts? Macrame and Basket say yes!
I used to live with a friend who had three cats. One day, when she was cleaning the litter box, her cat Lolita peed on the carpet in the exact spot where the litter box belonged. My friend said she didn’t want to punish Lolita for using that patch of carpet as a bathroom, since that was the right place to be 99% of the time. All she could say to the cat was “Good kitty…kinda.” In honor of this event, I have christened the following ring Pretty Flowers Kinda. Such a potentially good idea, such a mess to clean up.
If I were going to trick out my car, I would make it match this ring. Especially the little gold bit. I give you Chrome.
I don’t know if this is an ugly ring or a great secret agent tool, but either way it’s Double Barreled.
I know you’re supposed to put a stone in this one, but imagine if you didn’t. Bugs would love Antennae.
For the RenFest devotee in your life, Chain Mail should do the trick.
And finally, one of the most expensive rings I found in my quest: Hedgehog.
Because we all know that once you get married, you don’t want anyone touching you. Wearing this, you should be able to fend them off.
Voting begins now. As with the dress poll, I realize that some people may end up liking some of these, and that’s fine too.