Wedding Poll #2: The Dresses

All right, here’s the second wedding poll. But first, I have selected the winner of the first poll on worst gifts. Congratulations to Grace for her winning submission:

“My mom and stepdad received a ceramic man pulling down his pants plant pot, complete with cactus where his penis would be.”

Honorable mention for bizarro gifts, though it wasn’t a wedding gift, goes to senior Russian finance ministry officials:

At this weekend’s meeting of finance ministers in St. Petersburg, senior Russian finance ministry officials give their Group of Eight colleagues military-look wooden crates containing glass AK-47 assault rifles – filled with vodka.

Moving along, I present a poll on worst wedding dresses. I was going to put your options below the cut, but this is too much fun to hide.

First, I present THE LINGERIE:

dress that looks like a short nightgown

Next, THE URN:

dress that looks like a grecian robe

Third in our parade is THE CHICKEN:

dress with a skirt that looks like feathers

THE TAUNTING seems designed to make any woman anywhere look bad unless she is wearing a rigid plastic corset:

dress closely fitted around hips

The following is known as THE JAWS OF LIFE because you don’t so much wear it as get trapped in it, and a rescue effort is required:

dress with giant ruffled skirt

GILT seems to be dress after dress after dress combined:

gold dress with layers of skirt all different styles

COLOR ME BAD is, well, pretty damn bad:

shiny purple dress with purple lace layered train

POUF seems to have some structural defect that does not allow the wearer to stand upright:

dress with tiered pouf skirt, model is hunched over

The model wearing LAYER (NOT) CAKE will probably kill you:

slim dress with transparent layers of floral fabric

The recommended one-bow limit is defied in TIES:

dress with bow at waist and necktie

And finally, BAD FUNG SHUI proves that red can indeed be an unlucky color.

short red dress with military styling and hat with floor length red veil

Submit your votes!

63 thoughts on “Wedding Poll #2: The Dresses

  1. c-man

    Clearly Bad Feng Shui is teh winn4r.

    I think the Poufstress is just slouching so her head fits in the picture, tho ;)

  2. unwiredben

    I’m voting for “The Jaws of Life”… it reminds me of a science fair volcano that exploded out of the real dress, with a layer of burnt stuff at the very bottom.

  3. Grace

    I think GILT is the worst, followed closely by BAD FENG SHUI. And I have to admit I kind of like LAYER (NOT) CAKE.

    So glad to hear my the penis plant pot won! The really ridiculous thing? They’ve been married for 25 years and they still have it.

  4. Januari

    Where to start, where to start…I’m going with the Jaws of Life. And Grace, you are not alone. I, too, am somewhat drawn to Layer. But I would never wear it as a wedding dress!

  5. Januari

    OK, I’m changing my vote to Ties. It’s just absolutely ridiculous. I can’t stop thinking about it. What would you do if you were at a wedding and saw the bride walking down the aisle in any of these? And how about the greetings afterwards? “Your dress is LOVELY, very, um, different…”

  6. Suebob

    Bad Feng Shui just made me choke on carrot. It is so bad in so many ways. If it were white it would be bad. Without the Headpiece of Horror it would be bad. It is just….bad.

    And the AK-47s filled with liquor? That style bottle is very popular in some places. Not considered weird at all. Weird, huh?

  7. Suebob

    I am back. Bad Feng Shui is the ugliest, but Taunting is the meanest. A design that would make ANY woman besides a model (and even maybe then) look like crap.

  8. Carrie

    I can’t decide between Bad Feng Shui and Jaws of Life for worst overall. The headpiece of doom might put BFS over the top.

    Ties gets my honorable mention for aesthetic confusion – top from under an ’80s power suit, skirt from the 1950s. Taunting and Pouf are both just mean. It would take someone so skinny she could cut bread with her collarbones to look good in either of those. Jeez.

  9. Erika

    I have to vote Bad Feng Shui, although it was really touch-and-go throughout as to which one made me truly want to cry for the unfortunate bride who chooses (?) these dresses!

  10. JPed

    I say it is TIES, because it looks like they forgot to finish the top of the dress. And as bad as the others were, at least they were done.

  11. Naomi

    Well in my opinion my fave is the GILT and POUF. My non-fave is the BAD FUNG SHUI and LAYER(NOT)CAKE. But when you are going to wear one of these to a wedding, I would definatly wear the GILT dress and definatly NOT the LINGERIE dress, your whole family will be there, so be carefull what you are going to wear!

  12. Liz

    I deffinately want to wear gilt on my wedding day… if not gilt then color me bad!!! i always thought that i would have the authentic/typical white dress… but then i saw these two [colored] dresses!!! My only question would be how much do each of these dresses cost?!?

  13. Jade

    i want to know the cost of ‘gilt’ and ‘color me bad’….. of these otherwise ridiculous outfits those two completely stand out and are brilliant do let me know……..

  14. kathy

    I deffinately would pick BAD FUNG SHUI as the most hideous wedding dress I have ever seen my life! I hope no one will actually wear this dress on there wedding day, people are going to have a hard time tell her it’s beautiful. By the way were did you find the gilt dress it beautiful even with all the layers.

  15. jen

    um can i please know where you got the “gilt” dress from i know this blog is old but apparently when i was looking for gold dresses this one came up

  16. Amy

    Who is the GILT dress by?

    I found it a long time ago

    and never forgot it, I want

    it for my wedding!

    Thank you!

  17. The Princess

    NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: I do not have any information about these dresses. All I did to get these photographs was search for the most expensive dresses on The Knot. I did not keep any information about the designers, etc.

  18. Lox Angel

    Heya, I actually really like the GILT dress…Where did you find it? Could you give me the link via email?

  19. Sarah

    The colorful “This model will kill you” and the pink “chicken” are my favorites. Where does one buy these wedding dresses?

  20. Bekhie

    I LOVE THE JAWS OF LIFE – I wanna be married in that.

    The worst is the Layer (not) cake – errrrghhh its like horrid

  21. sandra

    I hate the Chicken (name says it all)

    The layers make you look like Barbie

    And the red, I don’t know if they found a name for that thing, wel de red makes you look like a monster JMO

    And I Love love love love LOVE the Gilt!

    Where did you find it


  22. amy johnson

    Can anyone tell me where I can find the purple wedding dress at. Its under the title color me bad.

  23. Wendy

    I actually liked The Urn…I think it’s lovely and pretty, and oh so floaty :) Bad Feng Shui is just horrendous. The Taunting is pretty bad, too.

  24. Bekhie

    Hi, I love most of these dresses. First of all Im going to rle out, lingerie, bad febg shui and layer(not)cake because they are all not wedding dresses and pointless to consider – although whoever said the layer cake was nice is deranged its as manky and bad feng shui!

    Next I don’t really like taunting (its a good idea but badly executed) tie (just plain weird – very editorial) or colour me bad (not because its just not the sorta thing Id wear but its not horrible)

    I adore Jaws of Life and Gilt and want to wear both. Chicken, Pouf and the urn (why did you call it that?) are all lovely too. But chicken is a bit impractical. Why does nobody like these.

    Luv Bekhie xoxo (Fiance to LB getting wedding June 09)

  25. Bekhie Maynard

    It just shows why these dresses are made because each of us is going oooh thats lovely to a certain dress and thats horrid to another – how could anyone wear that so it just shows that this is the reason they are all made because someone wants them pretty much we like all of them between us except bad feng shui – thats just a mystery

  26. Bekhie Maynard

    It just shows why these dresses are made because each of us is going oooh thats lovely to a certain dress and thats horrid to another – how could anyone wear that so it just shows that this is the reason they are all made because someone wants them pretty much we like all of them between us except bad feng shui – thats just a mystery

  27. Cassandra

    Hey can anyone tell me where to find the color me bad dress?? or where you found it?? please!

  28. katie

    these dresses are sssssssssooooooooooooooo pretty although some of them are a little to much put i love the paterns they are so pretty

  29. Helen

    I actually really like the purple one! But my own dress is classically simple, elegant, and ivory… but I still like ‘colour me bad’.

  30. Miss Marmalade

    I think the Gilt is a beautiful dress. Meant more for fashion than function, but it’s a gorgeous piece to look at.

  31. isabella

    well that GILT dress is actually quite divine. please send me the website so i can purchase it. thank you

  32. Tara Fragoza

    I LOVE the “COLOR ME BAD” purple is my FAVORITE color and being that im such a non-traditional gal I would soooo wear this dress to my wedding!! Who is the designer?? and what does the price tag look like? please please please let me know where i can find it

  33. Luna

    Princess, the GILT is not ugly and you are a complete basket case for saying so. Screw all you old ladies and your hideous lace and retarded 20ft train wearing old fashioned boringness. I plan on wearing it to my wedding and I’m getting it in white and silver. Its true “Princess” YOUR BLIND I guess cause the “color me AWESOME” is tight too! LOVE it and the GILT! I love you lovely ladies who shy away from the norm! ROCK ON! Don’t listen to these idiots! Hell, don’t even listen to your friends and family. ITS YOUR WEDDING and whatever,which ever dress makes you feel most like a princess, THATS the one you should choose. <_< BTW the GILT is both beautiful and functional cause it doesn’t have a god awfully long train ( you can actually choose the color AND what its made out of if you don’t like a certain part! Its also available in lace up or zipper! YAY!)

    Directly @ Princess- You need to switch the GILT out with this little number because it will make you look less fashion retarded o_~ CHeers!

  34. Arabella

    GILT is a gorgeous dress. I dont know why its even on this list. Its by famous designer Pnina Tornai exclusively for Kleinfelds (the one on Say Yes to the Dress). Its about $24500.

  35. Lily

    I think the GILT dress is absolutely beautiful! it’s so elegant! why would anyone think it’s ugly? my vote is for ties, it’s really ugly, i think whoever designed it was drunk when they drew it out. haha. And the jaws of life is kinda pretty, but not really. And grace, i’m with you. I’m strangely drawn to the layer not cake. even though it’s kinda ugly.

  36. Stephanie Zamora

    GILT Is AMAZING!!!!! Is There Anyway I Can Find Out The Price??????!!!! Pleaseeee Let Me Know!!!!! As Soon As Possible!!! Please!!!

  37. Brittanny

    GILT is designed by Pnina Tornai. It is priced over $20,000. Way too expensive for my taste. COLOR ME BAD it all that bad it is kinda pretty.

  38. Yet

    Oh gosh. I feel aweful because I kinda love the Jaws of life. I wouldn’t wear it but it looks pretty great for someone who could rock it… the layer cake one is hideous… but the worst is the Bad Feng Shui

  39. anonymous

    I think bad feng shui and the chicken were.. well not great.

    I did like colour me bad though… Just not really for a bride.It would make a great halloween costume if it had a co-ordinating mask.

  40. Celine

    I think you might have your facts wrong… The GILT dress is actually by Pnina Tornai and retails for $24,500…

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