Thirty Four

I turned thirty four today.

C-Man played with Boy Detective for the better part of a day so I could upgrade my Movable Type installation in a quiet house. Granted, we all had meals together, but aside from that I spent the morning and early afternoon pretty much by myself.

It was the best birthday present ever.

I also like the ankle bracelet he got me – silver and fair trade, because he pays attention. It was a bit touch and go for a minute there, because he asked Boy Detective to get it out of its hiding place, so I almost ended up with one of C-Man’s socks for a present instead.

Grace made me really sweet cupcakes (Nigella’s, apparently), and my father in law and his wife brought me flowers, and my mother in law made me a key lime pie. She also babysat Boy Detective so C-Man and I could go see the new Vin Diesel / Michelle Yeoh movie Babylon A.D. and then eat delicious vegetable tempura sushi.

(The movie, by the way, was good enough that at one point I thought “I will buy this on DVD when it comes out.” Then it basically threw up all over itself. I go to these things so you don’t have to.)

A few years ago, I wrote a post on my birthday about where I had been 10 years, 5 years, and a year previous. I thought I was going to do it every year. When I didn’t manage to, it was due to disorganization, not lack of desire.

But I think thirty four is about finally being ok with now. I used to think I’d be upset if all my boxes of memorabilia burned down in a house fire. I tried to figure out how I’d take it all with me if we had to evacuate due to an impending natural disaster. I started letting go of people in my life a few years ago if I was the only one doing the work of maintaining the friendships, but I’d been somewhat obsessed with the objects and evidence of my past. Now I’m letting it go. It doesn’t feel so threatening anymore that I might lose those objects and “forget” about where I’ve been. I’ve finally realized that whatever comes forward with me will do so without me dragging it.

The only thing that would leave a chunk out of my heart would be losing all the baby pictures, so we keep a baby blog online that doubles as a handy offsite backup. But aside from that, I have C-Man, and I have Boy Detective, and I love them so tremendously, and I have The Dog, and my family and friends, and I have me, and I like me plenty well (as you might have noticed), and that’s all I need.

That and a glass of water, ’cause these cupcakes are basically half sugar. Yum.