Snippets From Relatives, Fall and Winter Holidays

Names withheld to reduce negative ramifications should one of them find this blog.

Relative: “It was terrible, the circus got shut down and all the animals were going to be turned into horse meat!”

Relative: “I guess it was fine, if you like watching people shoot other people with bullets.”
Me: “As opposed to with what?”
Relative: “I’m just explaining how I understood the plot.”

Relative: “That store, Half Books. You buy half the book there and you have to find the other half somewhere else?”
Me: “Half Price Books.”
Relative: “You get every other page there…”

Relative: “That pie recipe, I tell you, I think it came down on the stone tablets.”
Me: “On the back.”
Relative: “Exactly.”
Me: “So in the Bible it’s begat begat begat…pie.”
Relative: “No, in Prophets, which is really more about telling you what to do to avoid being sold into slavery.”
Me: “So, making pie.”
Relative: “Exactly.”

Relative: “The problem is that the Devil made the threads in [the faucet], and his best friend made the threads in [the hose], and it really improves your cussing ability to try putting them together.”

Relative: “Surely it isn’t a continuous plumbing leak or you’d all be drowned by now.”

Relative 1: “What he noticed was that all the trees in Virginia were the same, there was no variety.”
Relative 2: “What kind do they have out there?”
Relative 1: “Well I don’t know, I know it was something coniferous.”
Relative 3: “Some firs are carnivorous. Coniferous.”
Relative 4: “No wonder they only have one kind of tree, those ate all the other ones.”
Relative 3: “He’s not even a plant person and he can figure that out.”

Relative: “Oh great, she’s going for a pen and paper, she’s going to use all this at the commitment hearing. Are you going to keep writing?”
Me: “Are you going to keep talking?”

One thought on “Snippets From Relatives, Fall and Winter Holidays

  1. Jethro T. Beauregarde

    Alas, it becomes painfully obvious to all why you are the true shining jewel in what is the family tiara.

    Just watch out for spitting carnivorous cockroaches from Ecuador. Their taste for drywall is surpassed only by the sweetness of human flesh…

Comments are closed.