What I Really Want

I want to get up in the morning when I’m ready.

I want to take a shower when I want to, without having to negotiate order, timing, or any other responsibilities. I want to eat my breakfast without anyone else asking for part of what I’m eating. I don’t want to make small talk while I’m eating, I just want to sit at the computer with my breakfast and browse the internet.

I want to clean up the house at the pace I set, so everything is settled and I can relax for the day. (Note that I said clean up, not clean. There wouldn’t be much day left if I actually cleaned.)

I want to choose exactly what I would like to do with my day, including getting out big messy projects and leaving them unattended when I stop to eat lunch. I want to make one meal for lunch, for myself, without taking into account what anyone else wants, will eat, or will insist on eating if I’m eating it. I want to finish my lunch and wash only my own hands.

I want to go out in the afternoon to do something fun without making an elaborate plan to cool down the car so it’s safe for those too young to defend themselves from evil burning hot metal buckles.

I want to avoid having any conversations that start with any of the following phrases:

  • Could you please…
  • What’s our plan?
  • What do we need to get done?
  • How are we going to…
  • Who’s going to…

And yet, I want to cross a whole bunch of things off a list.

I want to sit on a couch with a good dinner and watch television, just because I’m tired and I feel like it. I want to turn the volume up to where I can hear all the dialogue. I want to relax for the evening without hearing the quiet static of a device designed to keep me informed of anyone else’s activities.

Then I want to go to bed.

I reckon I have about 10 more years before this happens, yes?

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