A Not Really Apology to Our Neighbors For Something That Wasn’t Our Fault

Dear Neighbors,

Since we moved into this house almost five years ago, our yard has often been an eyesore. Our sins have included grass so high we could lose The Dog in it, overgrown flowerbeds, and even one famous transgression that involved cardboard boxes of grass clippings sitting in front of our house for several days. We really appreciated your warning that “someone” might call the city if we didn’t take care of that issue.

We seem to have gotten most of this misbehavior under control, though. So we imagine you were quite surprised yesterday morning to discover that we had begun storing a mattress, box spring, and bed frame on our lawn.

We were as surprised as you were.

Upon realizing there was a complete bed in our front yard, we took a careful inventory of the beds inside our home to determine if we might have misplaced one. Accounting for the beds we usually sleep in was fairly simple, as we had just gotten out of them. The downstairs sleeper sofa was also intact, and we confirmed proper storage of the deflated air mattresses in the upstairs linen closet.

Had there been a bed in our front yard when we went to sleep? No. Was there a bed in our front yard when we woke up? Yes. Did any of us recall acquiring a bed during the night and leaving it in the front yard? No.

Given that the bed only made it halfway in to the yard, actually, with half in the street, and also because it was blocking the fire hydrant, it seemed prudent to take immediate action.

Also we saw several of you drive by, slow down, and stare.

The City of Austin was more than happy to take a report of illegal dumping, and assign a code inspector to follow up within 1-2 business days. “Do you have a list of hauling services you refer people to?” we asked. No, sorry.

Through the amazing power of Yelp, though, we connected with Big Time Roly, of Big Time Trash Hauling, who answered his phone right away and gave us a quote. He apologetically asked if it was too much. He said he could be here by 7 p.m., but then called back to say he could actually come by in about an hour. Win!

By the time y’all got home from work, the bed was gone. In its place I should have put a sign that said “WE DIDN’T DO IT!” but it was a hot day and I had a lot of work to do.


2 thoughts on “A Not Really Apology to Our Neighbors For Something That Wasn’t Our Fault

  1. Deidre

    Whoa whoa whoa – you have to pay to get someone to remove the item that was illegally dumped on your lawn? That seems a bit harsh.

  2. Mrs. Bachelor Girl

    Thanks to our current neighbors, my standards for appropriate neighborly behavior are now significantly lower than once they were. You guys would be just fine with me as long as your carport didn’t look like a mashup of Hoarders and American Pickers.

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