How to make the pasta we used to buy from Costco

With thanks to Flickr user Christian Cale for the photo, used here under a Creative Commons license.

Instructions for making that pasta, a.k.a. why we no longer buy that pasta:

Start two hours before you would like to eat.

Okay, fine, suit yourself. Wait until half an hour before dinner. I’m sure that will work out beautifully. I’ll go read a book.

What? The water’s not boiling yet and you’re feeling pressed for time? No, I’m not going to say “I told you so.”

So now the water is boiling? Great! Put in half as much pasta as you want to cook.

Well, if you’d done what I told you to and started two hours ahead of time, you could have boiled enough water. But now that it’s 20 minutes before dinner, you don’t have time to start over and boil more water.

You just put in too much pasta. You know that, right?

Don’t get frustrated. I’m just trying to help!

Yes, it’s been the amount of time the package said you should cook it. What? You’re going to test it? Why?

Why are you acting so surprised? Of course it’s not done. We go through this every time.

I think setting the timer for another 10 minutes is overly optimistic, but if it makes you feel better, that’s fine.

If you’re going to add more water now, you should probably microwave it first so it’s hot. Just sayin’. And are you sure 1 more cup is enough?

Yes, I’m sure you would eat it at this point. He won’t, though. He likes his pasta actually cooked.

Did you set another timer? ‘Cause there’s not one running. How long ago did you last check it?

Hey, watch your language!