The Libertarians Found Me!

What I didn’t tell you before I left for the potential ass-kicking in New Hampshire is that I have a Real Live Libertarian (RLL) living next door. His big red van has a big white sign on the side that says something about the Constitution.

So last week I received a package from the vegetarian shoe people (my shoes don’t eat cows!) and FedEx chose to leave it with Mr. RLL. It probably turned out that way because he rarely leaves home; everyone else in my building works. I had only met him once, when I went to drop off his utility bill that had been mistakenly placed in my mailbox. When he opened the door during that encounter, all I could see in his apartment were stacks of file boxes up against all of the walls. Strange. Rarely leaves home + “collections” = ? You tell me.

I took my FedEx slip and ventured next door to retrieve my footwear.

(I knock.)

(Door opens.)

RLL: I was just thinking about you.

Me: Thanks so much for taking that package, I really appreciate it.

(package handed over)

RLL: So are you a vegan?

Me: No, just a vegetarian.

RLL: Well that’s a slang term for vegetarian.

Me: I’m not that strict, I eat cheese and stuff, but I don’t wear leather. And since my toes were getting cold in sandals I thought I should stock up on closed-toed shoes. [Yes, compulsive over-disclosure is one of my hallmarks.]

RLL: Well have a good evening.

Me: You too, thanks.

(I return home.)

(5 minutes pass.)

(Knock on her door, it’s Mr. RLL.)

Me: Hello.

RLL: I thought you might enjoy visiting my website.

(Hands over business card.)

Me: Thanks.

RLL: And I didn’t know if you knew your porch light was on.

Me: Um, yes, I tend to leave it on at night.

RLL: Goodnight, have a look at the website.

The website is

The legal system is imperfect, but violence is likely to be worse, so it is usually better to give the legal system a chance to work before resorting to other alternatives. We urge you to regularly devote some part of your time and resources to trying to get the legal system to produce just outcomes, not only for yourself but for everyone else, but also to be prepared to resort to extrajudicial methods if judicial methods become hopeless…

Here are the possible trains of thought that could have led him to decide I should get the card:

  • She’s a vegetarian, they usually like guns.
  • She’s in her 20’s or 30’s, and people that age read websites.
  • Damn, the card fell off the box – I include literature in all my interactions with people.

The bit about the porch light, though, I don’t get at all.

Neighbors are strange.