I just put on a sweater and wool socks so I could eat ice cream, and here is why.

You know what shouldn’t be in a computer?

A virus.

Especially because when the virus thing happens, you realize that in order to reinstall Windows your husband has to give a guy from a Craigslist ad $40 cash in a parking lot (get your mind out of the gutter) for a Windows XP CD with Service Pack 2 (totally legal I swear) to replace the perfectly legal copy you already own which only has Service Pack 1 which isn’t good enough to run BootCamp on the iMac, AND you also have to go the hardware store and get a plastic putty knife to open the damn iMac to upgrade the RAM that your husband ordered off the internet, AND get a copy of Safari 5.2.Squillion (or whatever version has the BootCamp drivers) from the Apple store in the mall where they only check people out with iPhones instead of cash registers so he can’t find anyone to take his goddamn money for like half an hour…

…all of which will be useless if while the iMac is open, your husband can’t figure out why the CD drive stopped accepting CDs a few weeks ago and fix it.

Aside from virii, you know what else shouldn’t be in a computer, and more specifically in the CD drive?

A shard broken off the edge of a melamine plate with Raggedy Ann and Andy on it.

(I’ll give you two guesses how that happened.)

This is what I have learned from this episode:

1. The year 2010 is sucking just as much as 2009.
2. Although I claim to hate Bill Gates quite a lot, I am willing to contort my life to an amazing degree in order to avoid the stress of starting to use the perfectly workable and perhaps superior operating system that came with the iMac in the first place – so I may in fact need professional help of some kind.

And then Boy Detective got a sinus infection, started taking Amoxicillin, broke out into a ghastly red rash all over his body, and when the pediatrician saw him for the third time in a week, he said “and that cough sounds a little barky, like it’s turning into croup” and sent us home with a prescription for steroids. My boss said “it may make him a little wiggy” and I said “he’s 2.5, how will i tell?” and she said “noted” but OMG HE’S COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT and spent a lot of storytime today TRYING TO BITE HIS GRANDMOTHER.

Did I mention C-Man went out of town today for the weekend?

The End.