I knew nothing about the comic before I went to see the Jonah Hex movie. I hope I still don’t. Because if the comic is anything like the film, it goes something like this.
Once upon a time there was a man name Jonah Hex. He fought for the Confederacy because he was a libertarian, not because he supported slavery. He even has a black friend, so we know he’s all right. After he married a woman from the Crow Nation and had a child with her, the Crow put him under their protection forever and ever. You never have to see them, but they use their powerful magic to save his life sometimes. That comes in handy when the man is called upon to assist the U.S. Government, which is obviously known for its good relationship with the indigenous people of the North American continent.
After Jonah Hex’s wife and child were murdered, he took up with a prostitute named Lilah, except that her name is actually Tallulah, a detail thrown into the film for no apparent reason. (By the way, it is vitally important to the historical accuracy of a story about a man who can talk to dead people just by touching their bodies that Lilah wears a corset to make her waist about the same circumference as her neck.) The man likes her because she is the only other woman left in the world after his wife died. Also, her world revolves around him.
Jonah Hex finds out that the guy who murdered his wife and child is still alive and wants to blow up the United States. He rides around the country trying to stop this nonsense. And he gets a dog, but then he abandons it somewhere I think.
p.s. It was really BAD, too. Don’t go.
This post was originally published on Heroine Content, a feminist and anti-racist movie blog that ran from July 2006 to May 2012.