Me: How are you?
Dog Two: Fine.
Me: I ask because we’ve been outside for a while, and the mosquitoes are kind of biting the fuck out of me, and you haven’t yet gone to the bathroom.
Dog Two: I’m eating a leaf right now.
Me: I can see that.
Dog Two: Can we go in?
Me: I don’t think so. Remember yesterday when you went inside and then we had to clean up after you?
Dog Two: Hey, there’s a bird!
Me: Yes, it’s very nice. Do you need to do anything out here?
Dog Two: What’s this on the pavement?
Me: A dead bug, and you don’t need any.
Dog Two: Hey, I have to pee!