I’m Sorry, But Some Foods Are Just Gross

In April, Kevin Drum at Political Animal posted about his pickiness. His post touched off a set of comments by people who hate stuff and I found it very reassuring, since I pretty much hate everything. Of course, it being the web, there were also a bunch of crackpots spewing atrociousness – their advice was basically “grow up, you sissy.”

But honestly, if someone told you that motor oil had been found to prevent cancer, how easy would it be for you to drink it? That’s how much I dislike all the following items:

Vegetables: artichokes, arugula, asparagus, green beans, eggplant, celery, cooked carrots, sweet potatoes, green bell pepper, kale, cooked spinach unless it’s in lasagna or something, olives, pickles, beets, portabello mushrooms unless diced.

Fruit: blueberries, cherries, kiwi, mango and papaya unless in smoothies, cranberries, grapefruit, red grapes, pears or green grapes if they get too squishy, brown raisins.

Cheese: feta.

Condiments: peanut sauce, mayonnaise unless the layer is practically see-through, mustard, pickle relish, 99% of all salad dressing, sour cream, pico de gallo.

Beverages: beer, wine, anything caffeinated, cider, 99% of all teas, gin, vodka, meade, sangria, apple juice.

Bread: rye.

Desserts: chocolate, apple pie (unless I cut it up into tiny, tiny pieces), blueberry pie.

Someone who wanted to cook for me actually asked for a list of what I disliked around that same time, and the above is what he got – whereupon he apologized for taking up so much of my time to list everything I hated and politely requested a list of what I actually eat.

I’ve spent such a long time with people who already knew me and my eccentricities that meeting new people in the last six months has been a little startling – they look at me like I’m insane when the topic turns to food.

I’m sure I’ll have to update this list when C. points out the ones I missed. The reason I’m thinking about it is that again, someone is promising to cook for me – but how many of these things can be in chili?

What I do like is next, in case you’re wondering where I camouflage my IV drip during the day that keeps me from dying of malnutrition. Honestly, I eat about 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day except when grocery shopping gets pushed a tad too far out, which is more than I can say for most people I know.

What I Do Like:

Vegetables: tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, fresh spinach, romaine lettuce, raw carrots (preferably with peanut butter), peas, corn, yellow squash, zucchini, regular potatoes, new potatoes, brussels sprouts, yellow and orange bell pepper, cucumber, onions, avocado, turnips, okra (but only fried), leeks, radishes, snow peas.

Fruit: oranges, apples (gala and similar), nectarines, peaches, raspberries, blackberries, watermelon, canteloupe, honeydew, green grapes and pears if within acceptable parameters of firmness, strawberries, pineapple, and the following dried fruit: golden raisins, dates, apples, pineapple, coconut, apricots.

Non-alchoholic drinks: water, any fruit juice that isn’t apple or cranberry, non-caffeinated clear sodas that don’t contain aspartame (but I don’t drink them very often), lemonade if it’s slightly tart (i.e. not Country Time).

Alchoholic drinks: Mimosas. Aw yeah.