Where Does He Get This Attitude? Or This Language?

During a diaper change:

Boy Detective: DAD!! I’m Johnny Rotten, not Sid Vicious! We’ve TALKED ABOUT THIS.

Right before lunch:

Boy Detective: Grandma, get back in the kitchen! You need to stop standing around gabbing and focus on what you’re doing!

Me: Boy Detective, that’s not a very nice way to talk to your grandma, after all the love and care she shows you.

Boy Detective: Someone has to keep her in line!

During a meal:

C-Man: Boy Detective, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll stop wiping your face if you stop rubbing cereal in your eye.

Me: I think that’s the best deal you’re going to get, kiddo.

Boy Detective: I need a lawyer! Shit, my dad IS my lawyer! Conflict of interest!

(Updated: This post would have made a lot more sense if I’d noted that the child wasn’t even a year old yet, and someone else was doing his voice…)