During a diaper change:
Boy Detective: DAD!! I’m Johnny Rotten, not Sid Vicious! We’ve TALKED ABOUT THIS.
Right before lunch:
Boy Detective: Grandma, get back in the kitchen! You need to stop standing around gabbing and focus on what you’re doing!
Me: Boy Detective, that’s not a very nice way to talk to your grandma, after all the love and care she shows you.
Boy Detective: Someone has to keep her in line!
During a meal:
C-Man: Boy Detective, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll stop wiping your face if you stop rubbing cereal in your eye.
Me: I think that’s the best deal you’re going to get, kiddo.
Boy Detective: I need a lawyer! Shit, my dad IS my lawyer! Conflict of interest!
(Updated: This post would have made a lot more sense if I’d noted that the child wasn’t even a year old yet, and someone else was doing his voice…)