The Five Stages of Respiratory Illness


I am not getting sick. I am not getting sick. I am not getting sick. I don’t care if my kid brought home a horrible virus last week, that doesn’t mean I have to get sick. This headache is because I switched from glasses to contacts too late in the morning. That’s not a cough, I’m just clearing my throat. I just didn’t sleep well last night. I’M FINE.


Dammit, why is this happening? I am BUSY! Do you have any idea how much work I need to get done? I had almost gotten the house clean! This isn’t fair! Why am I sick? I work from home, doesn’t that protect me from exposure to germs? AUUUGGGHHHH. We should never have sent Boy Detective to school, it’s all their fault, why does he need peers and an education anyway!? And why won’t someone besides me do the f-ing laundry?!


Okay, okay, I will lie down. For half an hour. And read. That’s not good enough? I will close my eyes. I can’t sleep but I will close my eyes. Is that enough? Okay, I will put my auto-responder on my email at work to say I’m out today, but just today, not tomorrow too. I will drink one cup of tea. Fine, two cups of tea. Fine, two cups of tea and a glass of water but I will put Emergen-C in the water because plain water tastes disgusting right now. OKAY, I WILL TAKE A NAP. Then I’ll feel better, right? RIGHT?!


I will never feel better again. Ever. And I’m out of new comics.


I can still have quality of life even though it’s been 2 months and I am still coughing. I have learned many valuable things from this illness, such as “empty tissue boxes make great temporary trash cans” and “I need to call my ENT again.” Really, it’s FINE.

4 thoughts on “The Five Stages of Respiratory Illness

  1. Grace

    Oh no! I’m so sorry. I so relate, though, especially to the denial stage. My favorite part of that stage is “it’s just allergies.” No, dude, it’s not.

  2. Sarah M.

    I hate the contacts thing. I’ll have an off morning getting my contacts in and then realize my nose is also scratchy. Which leads to me spending the entire day crossing my fingers and hoping that I am not about to succumb to a cold.

  3. Angelina

    I want to apply the 5 stages to everything in life. I’m starting to see this pattern in everything.

    Serious bummer that you keep getting knocked down with this.

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