We did not have a girl baby because I am a quilter.
Okay, I used to quilt. But hey, I got my sewing machine set back up again this weekend so there is hope.
The fact that my chosen sewing-related hobby is quilting tells you two things about me:
I can sew.
I like sewing flat things.
If we had a girl baby, because of the bit above that says “I can sew,” people who know I can sew would expect me to make her dresses and rompers and whatever. However, did you read that bit up above that says “I like sewing flat things”? Last I checked, children’s clothing is not flat.
So people would ask me when I was going to sew something for her, and when I said “never” they wouldn’t believe me in the same way that no one believes me when I said I didn’t want to have another baby, and I’m all “no really” and they’re like “you’ll forget how much you hated being pregnant” and I’m all “maybe if I get a head injury.” It is my least favorite thing to be told how I feel, by the way. It’s even worse than chocolate. (If you’re new here, I hate chocolate. Hate. I hate being told I don’t really hate it, too, so don’t go there.)
While attempting to maintain my disguise as a civil, non-misanthropic member of society when in the presence of my offspring, I would then be burdened with two things I already get AND a third thing:
1. My desperate boredom at having to hear the 1,032nd stranger say “Well I can see where that child gets the red hair from!” or “You must be Irish!” or whatever stunningly insightful comment they can come up with about the fact that C-Man, Boy Detective, and I are all redheads. OMG, yes, sometimes people with red hair meet, get married, and have children. But we’re GERMAN and SCOTTISH and no, no one has ever mentioned it before that we all have red hair so you are providing me with extremely valuable information.
2. My complete lack of desire to respond to the question “How old is he?” from other parents of young children given that right now, the second most popular topic after his hair color is his extremely articulate speech, and it makes other parents act like their two year old is somehow defective – because you know, Boy Detective was walking independently at nine months and now all the other two year olds are still not as good at walking as he is? Oh, except hang on, they’re all walking the same now and have been for quite some time. And my kid barks out the window when he sees a dog walking down the street, so you might want to factor that in.
3. The pressure of continually defending to friends and family my complete lack of desire to make floral bloomers or bonnets or whatever and cover them with ruffles and gathers and smocking.
Thank you, universe, for not sending me a girl baby. I can only handle so much.
I’m glad I’m not the only chocolate hater out there.
When I’m reading mommy message boards, I don’t read the brag posts or the education posts for what new awesome thing someone’s kid is doing. I hate comparing kids. Hate it! I think my son is totally freakin awesome, even if he isn’t learning Spanish and can’t count to 100 yet. They’ll all catch up eventually so why does it matter who’s two year old learns to say disestablishmentarianism first?
I also hate chocolate.
“…Boy Detective was walking independently at nine months and now all the other two year olds are still not as good at walking as he is. Oh, except hang on, they’re all walking the same now and have been for quite some time. And my kid barks out the window when he sees a dog walking down the street, so you might want to factor that in.”
I love it.
LOVE.
IT.
When parents are proud of their children but, at the same time, realistic about them. Yes, Boy Detective (or, as I prefer to call him, Wee Lizard) may well grow up to be the greatest nuclear physicist of his generation (fingers crossed!), but I want to smack parents who think their child is the next William Shakespeare just because he started using the toilet two months early.
However, Boy Detective, a.k.a., Wee Lizard does have an additional advantage – two sane, rational parents. I predict he will grow up to be a happy, well-adjusted, contributing member of society. And really, what’s better than that?
You’re smart. I did have a girl baby, plus a sewing machine, and I don’t sew girl clothes for her either, just quilts Come to think of it, not even quilts, because so many of her OTHER relatives made those for her. No doubt shaking their heads all the while as they valiantly worked to shield the child from the enormous neglect of her mother.
I hate when people do this kind of thing. hate chocolate if that’s your thing. have one kid if that’s your thing. don’t sew baby clothes only sew flat things if that is your kid.
I hate when people tell me that I’ll change my mind and want to have kids someday (maybe I will) but I don’t like their condescending attitude.
Well our Max had platinum hair (and it’s still very blond) and his dad and I both have much darker hair and so we got the opposite all the time “Wow! So where’d he get that hair from?” like we might confess we imported it from some Nordic country. But the best was being asked if we dyed his hair to get it so blond. Who on earth would dye a toddler’s hair? So I guess no matter what hair color your kid has people will find inane and/or weird things to say about it.
Boyness is good.
Being pregnant sucked for me.
I used to hate chocolate, most of my life. Then I acquired a mild taste for it. But I still always prefer the nonchocolate offerings. I used to want to smack people for giving me the whole “No one can hate chocolate!” speech.
I wonder if all Maxes walk at nine months?
when I said “never” they wouldn’t believe me in the same way that no one believes me when I said I didn’t want to have another baby, and I’m all “no really” and they’re like “you’ll forget how much you hated being pregnant” and I’m all “maybe if I get a head injury.”
you know, I came very very close to punching the first person who ever said this to me. A plumber. a MALE plumber. who practically patted me on the head with a condescending smile when he said it. I, too, LOATHED being pregnant.
I also quilt but I’m not great at sewing. I think I mostly enjoy buying fabric and sewing is the excuse for it.
I also only sew flat things but it’s actually worse than that. They have to be flat AND square….