I’m failing as fast as I can!

Have you seen those blog challenges where the author must post five or ten things about themselves they genuinely like? Sometimes there’s an added stipulation that you can’t undercut anything on the list, like by saying “My eyes are lovely, which is a good thing, because people notice them instead of my nose.”

I have never found it difficult to come up with a list of my outstanding qualities.

I have also never found it difficult to come up with a similarly sized list of my faults. With detailed examples and possibly footnotes.

Overall, though, I’m convinced that I’m awesome. One negative side effect of this is me acting like a complete jerk without realizing it. Exhibit A: my twenties. Another negative side effect is that I’m in a perpetual state of confusion about why I can’t keep up with my current life.

Why is it not possible for me to work, parent, wife (is that a verb?), clean, balance the checkbook, have friends and hobbies, and also make time to save the world? I should be able to do all of these things, because I so obviously rock.

The fact that never in my entire life have I done as many things as are on my to-do list, and I have less time than ever before, is no impediment to my shock that more is not getting done around here. The HSA receipts are not attached to their proper monthly statements, the child’s closet ONCE AGAIN has a bunch of stuff piled on the floor, the lamp we stopped using several months ago has not yet been given away on Craigslist, the dog is scratching her hair off again and no one has called the vet, the blogs are neglected, I haven’t sewn anything in years, the baseboards are really quite gross in the kitchen, ironing is only dimly recalled, any pretense of nurturing the yard has been abandoned, please don’t go into my garage, the Netflix disc has been sitting here for two months, I have friends in L.A. and New England I haven’t talked to in a year or more, and it would be awesome if I could wash my hair every other day instead of… whenever it happens now. Every three days I hope.

The towels keep coming out of the wash with this musty smell and I don’t know why. I’m paranoid that the drought means we may have foundation problems eventually and we could possibly be doing something about that but I haven’t even looked online for basic info. We’re using way more water than last year even without maintaining the yard and surely I should do something about that. I have cards from lovely people I met at BlogHer this year (and last year) that I should sort through and do something with.

If I were as cool as I think I am, the closets would be cleaned out on a quarterly basis, the hand me down clothes would go straight into a box for Goodwill or a friend (Hi LC!) and be sent straightaway instead of sitting on my office floor for six months. With all the shoes Boy Detective has ever outgrown. And our broken bathroom scale. And the wedding present we got for my cousin but never managed to drop off at their house which is 10 minutes away. I would have already called the bank to find out why the Quicken download of information from my mother in law’s credit card that’s attached to C-Man’s account has stopped working, claiming that the password is incorrect even though it used to work and no one has changed it and why does everything have to be so much HASSLE?

I am seriously considering taking up caffeine again, after more than 15 years without it, just so I can handle my life. My alternative seems to be making a choice between blogging and reading comics, or dropping both entirely because there just isn’t room for that and sleep too.

What do people with actual difficult lives do?

8 thoughts on “I’m failing as fast as I can!

  1. Sarah M.

    I once figured out how much we were spending per movie from Netflix, since they sat around for so long. It was a depressing #.

    Then streaming came along, and we use that so much, it all evens out. Right? Right?

  2. Angela (Cottage Magpie)

    I’m sure I don’t know. I’m totally ripping off Tina Fey by saying this, but my life isn’t really on a scale with say, a Chilean miner.

    On the other hand, I have a Netflix disc here that was delivered in… lessee… um, yeah, that’d be April. APRIL.

    I think that pretty much says it all.


  3. Grace

    I know this doesn’t help, but I think some of it comes down to just being willing to accept that some shit isn’t going to get done. Ever. Some of it is just going to slide, and that’s fine, and that’s true of everybody’s life.

    I feel the same way, for what it’s worth. As much as I rule, shouldn’t I be able to take all these great ideas in my head and make them reality? Sure, maybe, if I didn’t have to do any of the day-to-day. But given that I do, the most I can do is some of it, and that has to be enough.

  4. Kristin

    Hi Skye, Princess, Skye Princess,

    I LOVE your blog title. But then, you knew I would. It’s a little annoying knowing that you know what I’ll love when you don’t even really know me.

    DAMN! A freaking motorcycle just punched it past my window and woke up my cat. I freaking hate that. Hollywood’s not all glamour and … whatever else people think Hollywood is. Noisy a lot of the time is what it is.

    Anyway, you do totally rock, obviously. And now, reading your post, I must admit without my usual self-deprecation that I also rock, and possibly harder than you do (or at least I rock equally as hard) because I’m even more of a mess. There, see, I did have to add the self-deprecation, after all. Fuck. Can I say fuck on your blog? Shit. Sorry.

    Doesn’t chaos and craziness indicate intellect and creativity? I’m pretty sure it does. A complex mind needs someone else to handle the cable bill and the floor boards. We need ‘people’ for that stuff. Where are our people!?

    As your girlfriend Sigrid says, but in the voice of Eric Cartman, “Solidaritah!”

  5. FA

    I can’t help much with time management; mine pretty much isn’t managed….at all….and if it is, it is managed by the cat, who does a WAY better job.

    I can help with the musty towel problem. It’s probably mildew….I know, ugh. If your other clothes don’t smell musty, you are in luck – it’s not your washer, just your towels. Of course, it’s a lot easier to clean the washer. :o) Wash the towels with vinegar only (no detergent) on the hottest water cycle and dry them completely on the highest dryer setting. If it’s really bad, it may take a couple of washes. That worked for me.

    Maybe your son and his accomplice can give that a try since they are no longer doing the grocery shopping! (If that doesn’t work, let me know – it’ll be time to take more serious action!)

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