Dear My Neighbors,

I love your dogs. I really do. Especially the one that shakes the deflated basketball as if he wants to break its neck. This happens every single time The Dog and I walk by his yard, and while we can’t tell if it’s a threat or an invitation to play, it’s damn funny and we love him for it.

But here’s the thing: I leave my bedroom window open at night so I don’t have to run the AC, and your dogs bark all night. All of them. I think they even invite other dogs over at night to bark with them. And despite the wonderful opportunity this provides researchers in 78757 to track the frequency and pitch of a variety of dog barks, it’s not doing my lifelong sleep issues one bit of good. (Unless you think of it from the point of view of the sleep issues, who want nothing more than to grow strong and prosper.)

So please bring your dogs inside for the night. That’s where most of them should be anyway, since they’re pack animals and you’re their pack. It will do us all a world of good. And then I won’t have to leave a basketball corpse on your pillow.

Thanks ever so,