Dear Pandora Radio, You Must Stop With the Goldfrapp

Dear Pandora Radio,

When I went to college, I met a ton of new people all at once, from all over the country. This was awesome in many ways, not the least of which was the sudden explosion of new music in my life. Since then, it’s been tough to regularly find new music to try out. Even when I have a lead on a band I might like, listening to a snippet of a song on ITunes is rarely enough to tell me whether I like something enough to buy it.

So I went looking for a way to hear new music, and I found you. Overall, I am quite happy with your service. You’ve helped me find quite a few new songs that I love. Sure, the phrase “Music Genome Project” seems a little overblown for your efforts to put songs together that sound similar. ( I also roll my eyes every time you describe music with phrases such as “extensive vamping.” What the heck does that mean, anyway?) However, that’s a small price to pay for an internet jukebox that I can nudge towards playing more of what I like and less of what I don’t. Paying $36 for a year of not hearing any ads is also lovely.

We have to talk about Goldfrapp, though.

Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate the opportunity you’ve given me to develop an informed perspective on Goldfrapp. I do agree with you that Goldfrapp sounds a lot like many of the bands I enjoy, so I am not upset that you suggested it to me in the first place. I don’t have anything against Goldfrapp as people, and for anyone that likes Goldfrapp, I am happy for them to have more Goldfrapp in their lives. But at this point, I need you to accept that I just do not like Goldfrapp. Any Goldfrapp. There is no Goldfrapp song in existence that I want to hear. I have told you that I do not like Goldfrapp, and I need you to respect my decision.

I realize this may be disappointing for you, since you seem to have more Goldfrapp in your database THAN ANY OTHER BAND IN THE HISTORY OF MUSIC, but I think we can work together to find a peaceful solution.

Thanks,
Me