Category Archives: Family

I’m always one step behind with this kid

First conversation: Boy Detective: This zombie gets this car, that zombie gets that car. Me: Hang on, why would zombies need cars? What would they do with them? Boy Detective: Have a car fight? Second conversation: Boy Detective: You know what would be a bad idea? A button on the tv remote that says “Light” and what it does is… Read more »

Well I guess the five year old told US!

Me: You need new pants. C-Man: Do you think? Me: I do. C-Man: Why do you say that? Me: Because you’re putting on khakis with a t-shirt. C-Man: Woman! Me: I don’t think you get to “woman” me on a day I’m letting you go play [War Machine] all day long. Boy Detective: I think good parents shouldn’t argue.

I was honored just to be nominated

Boy Detective: Hey mommy. Me: Hey sweetie. Boy Detective: There’s only one thing I love more than you. Me: What’s that? Boy Detective: (That was Fall 2012. I think I’m back in first place now. Sonic doesn’t get up with him in the middle of the night when he’s sick.)

The Story of the Lonely Stormtrooper

As told by Boy Detective, age 5, August 2012: It’s the story of the lonely Stormtrooper. He’s setting up his fire. You know the only person he had for company? HIS GUN.

Another parenting challenge for which I do not feel prepared

Determining if the mulch that came home in my child’s lunchbox is special mulch, and must be saved, or just regular mulch that somehow fell in? (Asking the child might cause regular “he-didn’t-know-it-was-there” mulch to be magically transformed into “special must-save-forever” mulch, so asking is not an option.)

Family consensus is important

Tonight at dinner with my four year old, we discussed whether firing a missile at a vampire’s head would count as decapitation. The final ruling was “yes” as long as the head was actually missing above a certain point on the neck.