5 Reasons I Never Replied To Your Answer to My Online Personal Ad

  1. You’re into one o’ them monotheistic religions where anyone who doesn’t agree with you goes to hell. I know there’s some kind of Christianity Lite that’s supposed to be tolerant and respectful of other people’s beliefs, but how exactly do you swing that when a central tenet of your faith is that you must accept Jesus as Lord and Savior in order to be saved? I’m willing to hear an explanation, but not on a date.
  2. You’re not a vegetarian. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, I know you think I’m a bitch for saying it, I know you can’t possibly see what difference it could possibly make in how two people get along. This is further proof that we should not go out.
  3. In your profile, you checked off that you would date someone of any of the long list of ethnicities – except African-American. I don’t care about your reasons.
  4. You have made a strong commitment to avoiding punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.
  5. You seem to seriously believe that expressing a preference for no liars, games, or baggage will cause the crazy women reading your profile to say “Oh, then I better not contact him.” That is so delusional it’s not even funny.

Now make that nice for yourself and go away.

Thanks to LanceArthur.com for the inspiration.