I was all set to write a post today about turning 35 today and what I’ve accomplished in my life thus far blah blah blah. Lucky for you, since my deep and meaningful posts are usually fucking boring, I had a dream last night.
I know, posts where people share their dreams are also usually fucking boring too, but bear with me here. It’s a very short dream.
There was a zombie outbreak here in my hometown of Austin, Texas. I managed to make it to Camp Mabry, our local military base, because I figured it would be well prepared for such a thing. Indeed, the place was surrounded with extremely tall chain link fencing. Unfortunately, instead of having military people with flamethrowers patrolling the perimeter to burn the zombies if they came near the fence, there were VOLUNTEERS in matching red t-shirts letting the zombies climb OVER the fence, then killing them with shovels and pitchforks.
This is not reassuring! Since when are civilians with no training and agricultural tools our best defense against highly contagious undead?
It’s like the one video game I’ve ever played. I was penalized for shooting civilians who were being grabbed by zombies. Um, hello, if they’re that close, you can pretty much assume they’re going to eat your brain in about ten minutes. This is not bad aim on my part, it’s a public health measure.
And that, I said to my husband while he was trying to get dressed for work so he can pay our mortgage, is why I should be in charge. Obviously no one else can be trusted.
He laughed. I’m still not quite clear why.