C-Man: Are you secretly a vigilante?
Me: I don’t have time for that.
C-Man: Is there a secret compartment in the basement I should know about?
Me: Do we have a basement?
C-Man: That’s a very good act you’re putting on.
C-Man: And it’s exactly what I’d expect you to say if you were secretly a vigilante.
The culprit behind these paranoid fantasies is apparently this comic: