First conversation: Boy Detective: This zombie gets this car, that zombie gets that car. Me: Hang on, why would zombies need cars? What would they do with them? Boy Detective: Have a car fight? Second conversation: Boy Detective: You know what would be a bad idea? A button on the tv remote that says “Light” and what it does is… Read more »
Me: You need new pants. C-Man: Do you think? Me: I do. C-Man: Why do you say that? Me: Because you’re putting on khakis with a t-shirt. C-Man: Woman! Me: I don’t think you get to “woman” me on a day I’m letting you go play [War Machine] all day long. Boy Detective: I think good parents shouldn’t argue.
Me: Children’s films overwhelmingly contain namecalling, romantic themes which a five year old boy likely has little to no interest in, potty humor, and slapstick comedy that is boring to adults who are me. Discuss. Sister, who has three children: Yes.
Boy Detective: I don’t like this book. Me: What? Why? What’s wrong with it? Boy Detective: I’m just not interested in it. Me: You haven’t even had a chance to find out the story. Boy Detective: But I was looking at it, and Chewbacca, they have him TALKING WITH REGULAR WORDS. Me: What? Give me that…. Oh. Okay, kiddo, on… Read more »
Determining if the mulch that came home in my child’s lunchbox is special mulch, and must be saved, or just regular mulch that somehow fell in? (Asking the child might cause regular “he-didn’t-know-it-was-there” mulch to be magically transformed into “special must-save-forever” mulch, so asking is not an option.)
Boy Detective: You’ve had [the soundtrack to] Tron [Legacy] in there a long time. C-Man: Are you getting tired of it? Boy Detective: No, I was just complimenting you. Like “way to go, good job!”
Tonight at dinner with my four year old, we discussed whether firing a missile at a vampire’s head would count as decapitation. The final ruling was “yes” as long as the head was actually missing above a certain point on the neck.