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Past Posts

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Jonah Hex: The black folks and Injuns LOVE him! (Yes that is sarcasm.)

This post was originally published on Heroine Content, a feminist and anti-racist movie blog that ran from July 2006 to May 2012.

I knew nothing about the comic before I went to see the Jonah Hex movie. I hope I still don't. Because if the comic is anything like the film, it goes something like this.

Once upon a time there was a man name Jonah Hex. He fought for the Confederacy because he was a libertarian, not because he supported slavery. He even has a black friend, so we know he's all right. After he married a woman from the Crow Nation and had a child with her, the Crow put him under their protection forever and ever. You never have to see them, but they use their powerful magic to save his life sometimes. That comes in handy when the man is called upon to assist the U.S. Government, which is obviously known for its good relationship with the indigenous people of the North American continent.

After Jonah Hex's wife and child were murdered, he took up with a prostitute named Lilah, except that her name is actually Tallulah, a detail thrown into the film for no apparent reason. (By the way, it is vitally important to the historical accuracy of a story about a man who can talk to dead people just by touching their bodies that Lilah wears a corset to make her waist about the same circumference as her neck.) The man likes her because she is the only other woman left in the world after his wife died. Also, her world revolves around him.

Jonah Hex finds out that the guy who murdered his wife and child is still alive and wants to blow up the United States. He rides around the country trying to stop this nonsense. And he gets a dog, but then he abandons it somewhere I think.

The End.

p.s. It was really BAD, too. Don't go.

7 Comments

Patrick said at June 22, 2010 3:27 AM:

Not a fan of the comic, but that's not how it goes :) Not that the original background is not problematic. Jonah is sold by his drunk of a father to Native Americans (well, not really sold – the father uses Jonah as collateral to ensure he'll return with money owed, but then just doesn't return). He falls in love with the same woman as the chief's son, which leads to the son trying to kill him and, in an ensuing duel, Jonah cheats and is exiled from the tribe – as well as marked in the face.

Probably they threw the name in for the fans because Tallulah Black is a secondary character in the comics. She's a woman who belonged to a clan of people Jonah ends up killing, and he leaves her unable to fend for herself so she turns to prostitution, where a client carves up her face and body – and then Jonah Hex shows her how to use guns and such and she becomes a fearsome gunslinger and killer (and sort-of love interest).

This is quite possibly the funniest review you have ever written. I laughed so hard I cried.

Also: what a waste of Josh Brolin.

SunlessNick said at June 24, 2010 4:46 PM:

"He even has a black friend, so we know he's all right."

How much do we see of this black friend?

Skye said at June 24, 2010 4:51 PM:

They have one conversation to establish that Hex is not a racist, and then friend is briefly shown in a crowd later with his kids, about to get blown up by a terrorist, so that Hex ends up saving their lives.

SunlessNick said at June 24, 2010 6:43 PM:

Woot.

I second what Grace said btw; that was a throughly funny slaughtering.

SunlessNick said at June 25, 2010 8:41 AM:

Come to think of it, how often has Hollywood portrated southern soldiers as the ones defending slavery, rather than romanticising them as defenders of freedom?

brownstocking said at July 6, 2010 11:50 AM:

I dunno, Josh Brolin has some karma to deal with, so a sucky movie may be just what the doctor ordered.

The comic, and the movie, are just so much fail.

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